Tanu weds Manu returns with a bang. Where the first part, although entertaining, was quite anti-climactic and had a clichéd story line, the second part promises to overturn any complaints you might have had with the acting or the dialogue delivery from the prequel. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ms98s[/embed] It’s been four years since Tanu (Kangana Ranaut) and Manu (Ranganathan Madhavan) got married, but boredom finally takes its toll, adversely affecting their marriage. When Manu loses his calm during a counselling session, he is forcefully admitted into a ward, while his wife calmly exits and makes her way back to her hometown, Kanpur, India. For heart-broken Manu, this is the last straw and after being bailed out by his best friend, Pappi (Deepak Dobriyal), he flies back to India. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook page[/caption] Tanu, meanwhile, has resorted to her old daredevil, outrageous self, and shamelessly uses her tenant (Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub) to roam recklessly around the village, making excursions to her ex-boyfriend, Raja Indir’s (Jimmy Shergill) house. On the other hand, Manu, who is wallowing in his sorrow, receives divorce papers from Tanu, leaving him in despair. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="595"] Photo: Facebook page[/caption] It is then when he happens to meet Kussum, Tanu’s teenage and tom boyish look alike, who is a top athlete with a strong Haryanvi accent, and he cannot help but fall in love with her. The story takes an interesting turn of events when we find out that Kussum was betrothed to Raja, who, at the point, is openly flirting with Tanu in Kanpur. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="598"] Photo: Facebook page[/caption] Will the meek and helpless Manu go through with the divorce and marry Tanu’s look alike or will he realise that with marriage come fights and compromises? [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="595"] Photo: Facebook page[/caption] Tanu weds Manu Returns is a thoroughly enjoyable romantic comedy with outstanding performances by the main cast. Ranaut does not fail to impress us with her twin role as Tanu and Kussum. In fact, the actress herself claims that it felt as if she did two films instead of one. Her complete transformation from the provocative, hot-headed Tanu to the independent and bold teenage athlete with a completely different accent, removed any doubt I had about her acting capabilities. Watching both the personalities clash when the ex-wife meets the to-be wife was by far my favourite scene. Ranaut is clearly creating her own niche within the industry and is doing a pretty good job at it too. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Facebook page[/caption] Madhavan plays the helpless husband role to perfection. However, his role is hugely complemented by Dobriyal, whose screen time was almost at par with Madhavan’s. Dobriyal’s flawless delivery of witty dialogues kept the audience entertained throughout. Shergill also gave a promising performance and his one-liner sarcastic comments interspersed throughout the movie were hilarious. Ayub’s performance as the tenant who is a victim to Tanu’s killer looks, was also commendable. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="596"] Photo: Facebook page[/caption] Due credit goes to Anand L Rai since Tanu weds Manu Returns is one of the few sequels that was better than its first part. Although its soundtrack was not nearly as half as good as the movie, with ‘Banno’ as the only good dance number and ‘Old School Girl’ a completely unnecessary addition. Ranaut’s performance definitely stole the show and left me waiting for her next release. For all Bollywood lovers, this movie will give you a guaranteed mood uplift and is a must watch. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2odur7[/embed] [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2p1dy3[/embed] I would rate it a 4 out of 5.

I grew up listening to songs like ‘Goray Rang Ka Zamana’ (the age of fair skin) and the likes, and in recent times, I’ve come across Bollywood beats such as ‘Chitiyan Kaliyan Way’ (my white wrists) and ‘Gori Gori’. Even though these songs are decades apart, they send out the same message: That fair complexion is a sign of beauty and romance, and dark complexion is its opposite. However, I believe that this perception is wrong on many levels. In my daily practice as a clinical dermatologist, I come across frequent cases regarding young people wanting a fairer skin tone. They want to attempt every possible method to change their natural skin colour and look fairer. I don’t judge them because of their desire to look fair, as I have come to acknowledge their struggle through their personal experiences. This week, a beautiful young girl came to my clinic because she wanted a fairer complexion. She told me that her fiancé of four years had left her because he wasn’t attracted to her dark skin. Similarly, other patients have paid me visits because of their insecurities – that their spouses were no longer interested in them, that they preferred women with lighter skin tones and so on and so forth. An increasing number of young men have also visited my clinic to get treatment for skin whitening. I have seen many examples where two or more sisters have been compared on the basis of their skin colour. The one with the lighter skin tone is commonly considered as the more appealing one. These comparisons are often made at my workplace and even at social gatherings where women comfortably pass comments on each other’s complexion and suggest totkas or solutions to the ‘problem’. I believe it leaves a permanent dent in one’s self-esteem, resulting in self-pity and jealousy towards individuals with fair skin. This awful trend begins from the day a child is born and the relatives begin to remark on the complexion of the baby. As a medical student from Nishtar Medical College, I knew many student doctors who used fairness products which consisted of a high dose of steroids. The cream only makes us fair temporarily because it masks dark pigment cells and also causes skin thinning which exposes the skins blood vessels, giving it a reddish hue. Additionally, this comes with a long list of side effects, including unusual hair growth on the skin, increased bruising, vulnerability towards skin infections, and acne. When I was living in Boston, many of my friends from Pakistan expressed the desire of dating a Caucasian female. What bothered me was their description of an ideal woman – it usually revolved solely around her skin tone. At the same time, during my clinical training at the Boston University Department of Dermatology, I gained diverse clinical experiences of working with patients from different ethnic backgrounds. Therefore, my clinical experience has made me appreciate the beauty of skin, regardless of its colour. In Pakistan, we are obsessed with fair complexions. Commercials for skin whitening products leave an impression that dark skin is not attractive, making it almost socially unacceptable. Furthermore, a perception is formed that individuals with dark complexions are deprived of excitement in their life and altering their skin tone to a lighter shade will magically open doors to happiness, endless opportunities, and romance. In the fashion industry, fair has become a synonym for pretty and innocent, whereas dark skin has become a symbol for seduction. I cannot emphasise enough on how important it is to take good care of our skin. We need to prevent the damages caused by excessive sun light and should moisturise our skin regularly. Adequate hydration is the mainstay for a healthy and beautiful skin. Rather than paying attention to the skin tone of our skin, we need to make it our priority to keep it healthy and glowing. In Bollywood, actor Upen Patel joined the list of other artists such as Ranbir Kapoor, Randeep Hooda and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, who refused to advertise skin whitening products because it’s against their morals. We need similar role models in Pakistan as well. Maria Wasti, Iffat Rahim and Neha Ahmed are renowned artists in Pakistan who are comfortable with their skin tone and made us believe that dark is beautiful. We need to challenge the attitude of contemporary society which perceives fair and beautiful as one entity. We must cultivate a culture that believes that beauty is beyond ones skin colour and an individual can be dark, attractive and confident, all at the same time. It is time to endorse the idea that natural is beautiful.

A six-day long Afghan-Pakistan Youth Dialogue in Kabul changed my life forever, as I set off to a venture that helped me break stereotypes about Afghanistan. From their meritorious hospitality  to appetising cuisine, from their commendable social activism to unwavering dedication, I could pen down a novel about my week-long stay in Kabul. But for now, let me share some of the stereotypes which were shattered once I moved across Kabul myself, experiencing and collecting cherished moments. Not everyone gets bombed 24/7 Kabul is not a battlefield and rockets do not come falling over your head. Chances of you dying while driving in Kabul are higher than getting shot at. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] An Afghan man roller blades along a street in Kabul. Photo: Reuters[/caption] Kabul has established infrastructure Residents live in actual buildings, park their vehicles in their car porches, enjoy the beautiful weather sipping their sugar-less green tea from their balconies and throw grand BBQ parties in their backyards. Kabul also has well-reputed hotels which are beautiful, secure and provide quality service to visitors. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] An interior view of the City Walk shopping mall in central Kabul. Photo: Reuters[/caption] People have mobile phones with 3G internet My greatest concern while travelling to Kabul was whether I would have proper communication networks to call back home. But to my surprise, not only did they have fast cellular services, they also have 3G internet activated – 3G which actually works. Alongside this, more than 60% of war-stricken Afghanistan has mobile phone connectivity. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] An Afghan man walks past a 3G logo in central Kabul. Photo: Reuters[/caption] Women wear a variety of attire, including jeans Women have the right to wear whatever they like to wear. Headscarf is considered culturally appropriate and appreciated within the society; however, it is not a passport to life or survival. Their traditional dresses are gorgeous, just like the people who wear them. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="376"] An Afghan policeman keeps guard in Kabul, Afghanistan. Photo: Reuters[/caption] Better economy than Pakistan

Me: “How much should I keep, in case I need some cash? Would a few hundred rupees be fine?” Dad: “Haha no. One Afghan afghani is equal to two Pakistani rupees.” Me: “We are doomed.”

Each year Hollywood and Bollywood releases movies that shake the box office and create a buzz among the audiences. Knowing the unpredictable audience, some do well while others don’t. Here are some of the movies that will hit cinemas this Eidul Fitr. Ant Man [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="407"] Photo: IMDb[/caption] This year you will bear witness the rise of a rather different kind of a Marvel Comics superhero – Ant Man. Directed by Peyton Reed, the movie stars Paul Rudd as Scott Lang, who finds a suit that gives him extra strength, but shrinks him in size of an ant. Rudd is a criminal and finding the suit gives him a chance to begin a new life of fighting crimes. Moreover, the fate of the world also hangs over his tiny shoulders. Also starring in Ant Man are Evangeline Lilly as Hope van Dyne, and Corey Stoll as Darren Cross/Yellow Jacket, the movie’s antagonist. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2mne60[/embed] Irrational Man [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="393"] Photo: IMDb[/caption] Emma Stone, Joaquin Phoenix, and Jamie Blackley will appear in Woody Allen’s recent production, Irrational Man. The storyline revolves around Abe Lucas (Joaquin Phoenix) who engulfs himself in a certain life crisis that compels him to question his life’s purpose and goals. With much thoughts circling in his mind, Abe meets Jill Pollard (Emma Stone) who adds some tranquillity in his life. Abe, a philosophy professor, easily entangles in existential issues while Jill, who is also his student, is the only person who can understand Abe’s predicaments. This is one mystery drama – with a touch of romance and philosophy – you do not want to miss if you are into philosophical stories. With Stone in the cast on this philosophically charged movie, Irrational Man might turn out to be a good watch. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ph6ye[/embed] Mr Holmes [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="422"] Photo: IMDb[/caption] Any movie starring Ian McKellen – who plays the role of Sherlock Holmes – is bound to be an interesting watch because of his years of acting experience and because of the fact that he is one of the finest actors Hollywood has ever produced. This might be a delight for all Holmes’ fans for McKellen will add much maturity and charisma in this character. The story will take viewers to 1947, when Sherlock Holmes, 93, is living a peaceful post-retirement life in Sussex. Mr Holmes has a different story to tell, different from the previous Sherlock Holmes movies because of the absence of Mr Watson, Holmes’ trusty sidekick and companion. However, Watson does something that compels Holmes to travel to Japan and various other places to find answers to the questions connected to a case Holmes wishes to solve. Viewers will see flashbacks of Holmes’ past that will reconnect the dots. Watson might be in those flashbacks to add more mystery into Holmes’ present life in 1947. Bill Condon (director of the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 and 2, and Dreamgirls) is the director and brains behind Mr Holmes which is destined to do well. This is simply because of McKellen’s lead role and because viewers get to see more introspection and dialogue – and you can bet that when McKellen speaks, the audience listens. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2wuxqc_mr-holmes-official-trailer-2015_shortfilms[/embed] Bajrangi Bhaijaan [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="498"] Photo: Bajrangi Bhaijaan Facebook page[/caption] Each year, Bollywood releases a Salman Khan movie on Eid that smashes box office records. This year, Salman will be playing the role of Pavan Kumar Chaturvedi and Bajrangi Bhaijaan in Bajrangi Bhaijaan. Some reports claim that Salman is playing a double role. The story connects with Pakistan as Bhaijaan meets a mute girl from Pakistan who is lost in India and cannot find her way back. Bhaijaan takes the responsibility to take the girl back to her country. Also starring the movie is Kareena Kapoor as Rasika. The anxiously-waited movie is directed by Kabir Khan (Kabul Express, New York) and is produced by Salman Khan and Rockline Venkatesh. The movie is already surrounding controversy by Hindu extremist groups who are opposing its release, and not to forget the case Amjab Sabri has filed against Adnan Sami for remaking one of their qawwalis. Whatever the case is, Bajrangi Bhaijaan will become a hit because of Salman’s huge fan following in the subcontinent. We just hope it isn’t banned from screening in Pakistan. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2rtqx9[/embed] Pixels [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="416"] Photo: IMDb[/caption] Adam Sandler will be appearing with his comical expressions in Pixels, a comedy movie with a touch of sci-fi produced by Columbia Pictures. The movie stars Sandler as Sam Brenner, Kevin James as President Will Cooper, Josh Gad as Ludlow Lamonsoff, the infamous Peter Dinklage as Eddie Plant, and Ashley Benson as Lady Lisa. The movie is an action, comedy and sci-fi animation movie in which viewers will relive the classic arcade games of the past as they come to life to invade humans. The movie begins in 1982 when NASA sends a shuttle into orbit in search of extra-terrestrial life. Enclosed in the shuttle are items, one of them is a video of all classic arcade games the humans have created including Centipede, Donkey Kong, and PacMan. Aliens comprehend it as a message of war and use these games to create their weapons to attack Earth. To save Earth, President Cooper asks his old friend, Sam to assemble a team and defeat these games. Will he be able to save Earth? Who will be part of his team? And what inventive ways will he use, are questions that will certainly increase your curiosity. Directed by Chris Columbus (director of Home Alone 1 and 2, Mrs Doubtfire, Fantastic Four), this is one movie will definitely take us on a trip to our arcade days. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2jtmss[/embed] Although all these movies have some special attribute attached to them, I am looking forward to the release of Mr Holmes, and yes, all because of watching McKellen in a role which he has never performed before and a role which, in my opinion, he was destined to play in a movie.

An event of momentous importance has occurred and, as is usual with the more earth shaking happenings, has been completely ignored. One might suspect a cover-up by the intelligence agencies because why, for the love of all that is holy, is no one talking about this? Shoaib Malik has challenged Yuvraj Singh to a dance-off. https://twitter.com/realshoaibmalik/status/623153354760294401 https://twitter.com/YUVSTRONG12/status/624999883674648576 Ladies and gentlemen, the gauntlet has been thrown. The reputation of our country is at stake. Two cricket legends (and-a-tennis-player-meh-nobody-cares) face off on the dance pitch. Or is it the cricket floor? The English language is not prepared for this. No one is prepared for this. We need to win my fellow Pakistanis. Because let’s face it, if this was a cricket match, we’d probably lose. It is about time that our players looked into alternate careers and what better way to stay in the spotlight than shaking your booty with your (not so famous) wife on the internet. Private channels, take note, this could be turned into the television event of the century. It’ll have to happen in collaboration with Bollywood, because we do not have the star power for something like this. Shah Rukh Khan and Saif Ali Khan could host the whole thing and tell crass jokes about everyone except the Bachans. We could put in a few item numbers as entrees to the main event, with Pakistani women in racy outfits right alongside their Indian sisters, because women can’t do anything else to illicit comment.  Then we could top it all off with a fireworks display once the winning team is announced. Speaking of teams, Shoaib is married to what’s-her-name, so we’ll need a partner for Yuvraj as well. To keep things fair, she ought to be Pakistani. He doesn’t have to be married to his partner, does he? Maybe he does, but that could be arranged right? That’s what social media trends are for. I nominate Mathira. Because if he does marry her, then she’ll move to India and it’ll be a load off of every ghairatmand Pakistanis’ mind. Now, everyone knows Pakistanis cannot dance. Singing is what we really excel at. The pact has been sealed however, so we’ll just have to look to other ways of winning. What? You didn’t know there were other ways to win? What planet are you from? It’s not about the dancing, it’s about the entertainment! Mrs Malik must be dressed in the least amount of glittery fabric (with LEDs) and if Shoaib feels uncomfortable about it, he can call a press conference or something afterwards and say that he hated doing it, really. It went against every moral fibre in his being but he’d already signed a contract. Hamza Ali Abbasi tried it and everything turned out okay for him. Where were we? Ah yes, winning. The outfits must be designed by a famous Pakistani designer. We could have all of them compete like they did for the PIA uniform. Two momentous social events (hyperventilates in a corner). And then the dance number itself must have the most mind-boggling effects CGI can come up with. We need to distract the judges from Pakistan’s complete lack of dancing skills at any cost. How about the Dettol warriors appear in a cameo? No, wait, the Dettol warriors and Commander Safeguard battle it out for anti-bacterial supremacy while the Maliks pirouette in the back ground. How can we have CGI at a live event? Listen honey, Indians and Pakistanis, we don’t really like each other, okay. Imagine what would happen if we put a few thousand together in a stadium and the team that half of the screaming masses was supporting, lost. The Indians would set everything on fire and the Pakistanis would blow themselves up. It’s not safe. So we film everything, edit it, pretend we have a live audience and then televise it for the world to see. People have been fooled before. All these ideas are copyright by the way. I am willing to sell the rights for the ‘India-Pakistan Cricket Dance-Off That Has No Cricket’ to GEO for a reasonable sum as long as Aamir Liaquat promises to close the whole event with a song and some tap dance. Also if Yuvraj wants to be a part of this, he has to have the Indian cricket team come play in Pakistan. What? Did I forget the judges? I don’t know man. I can’t think of everything. Is Simon Cowell free? Sakina out!

Pakistani cinema is emerging at a very unique point in our cultural history. Hollywood is knocking at our neighbour’s door to the east as Bollywood sets its eye on the 500 crore club. On our Western front, Iran has become a globally recognised force in neo realist filmmaking, yet people get jailed there for dancing to a particular song. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x137fwc_moor-2014-trailer-1-the-pakistani-movie_shortfilms[/embed] Afghanistan remains to be the centre of attention with a complicated set of woes and a new administration in place, and China is slowly becoming one of the biggest film markets in the world. In the middle of this hue and cry lies Pakistan and its cinema industry’s struggle to evolve into something better than Lollywood. That’s where Moor comes in. Here are six reasons to embrace Moor and why it sets the bar high for future Pakistani productions: 1. A genuine Pakistani film [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="595"] Photo: Moor official Facebook page[/caption] Though there is nothing wrong with carrying on the song-dance-romance formula of Lollywood and with that more people will be attracted towards cinemas, but then your identity will not be anything more than an extension of Bollywood, a prime example of this is Na Maloom Afraad. On the opposite side of Na Maloom Afraad and Nabeel Qureshi are Jami Mahmood and his outstanding film, Moor. Without relying on any conventions or ‘formula’, he offers a story that is truly a product of our times and geography, without compromising on cinematic experience. 2. Possibly the last film on Balochistan [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="595"] Photo: Moor official Facebook page[/caption] I don’t actually know whether Balochistan has previously been featured on the big screen or not, but one thing’s for sure, it will not happen again. Moor is possibly your only window into the highlands of Balochistan and the only major portrayal of its people’s loyalty towards their soil and principles. Celebrated Pakistani photographer Kohi Marri once said,

“Such is the beauty of the landscape of Balochistan that we can shoot an entire Lord of the Rings here.”

August 2015 fell on South Asia’s shoulders as an overbearing weight and a massive shock – as preparations for Independence Day on both sides of the Pakistan-India border were underway. Pakistan’s largest child abuse scandal surfaced, wherein some 400 children had been victims to the perverted fantasies of sexually depraved men. There has been much debate and dissent as to what the rationale behind rape is, and everyone pretty much knows what drives a rapist to rape. What is more important to note here is the nonchalance of the police force and the deformed laws that govern the heinous crime that rape is. From across the border, another piece of news reached us regarding a rape victim in India who was required to provide irrefutable evidence of her ‘purity’. This proof was not a DNA testing, (not) astonishingly enough; rather the requisite was the rape victim balancing a monstrous 40 kilogram rock on her head. Passing this sanctity test, the woman would be at leisure to continue her former life with her husband – failing it, I shudder to think what would follow. Supposed to be her ‘agnipariksha’ (ordeal), the test was mandatory so as to know if the woman’s tainted honour was at fault or not. Agnipariksha, from the Ramayana, was a test that even Sita had to go through as a post-abduction concept. If Goddesses could do it, shouldn’t women be able to do it too? Because at the end of the day, ‘pure’ women are born with unspoken superpowers that enable them to lift humongous loads on their heads. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Sita undergoing the ordeal by fire watched by Rama, Laksmaṇa and Hanuman. Photo: British Museum[/caption] This is no different from the laws that deal with rape in rural Pakistan, which demand a total of four male eyewitnesses (because four men would stand by watching a woman get raped, right?) and when not provided the aforesaid, women are accused of adultery. In short, rape victim or no rape victim, the woman has to be, somehow, at fault – for if this were not the preconceived notion, requirements such as an agnipariksha or four witnesses would not have existed. So how far exactly has religious fundamentalism in both countries gone? And is there any stopping it? And then there is the big question mark on the credibility of the forces that are supposed to be concerned with law enforcement. It is one thing for a religiously extremist court to announce absurdities, it is totally another for the police force to not stop such barbarity. It was also in August that the Mumbai police raided a hotel, arresting 40 couples for indecent ‘public’ behaviour, while at the same time, the Delhi police refused to lodge a complaint against a man who tried to molest a girl in broad daylight. In July, a 14-year-old girl in Gujrat was denied abortion after she became pregnant from being raped. There are countless other stories that could be put in black and white – stories that showcase the excellent crackdown of the pot-bellied police forces. While Bollywood blockbusters depict their policemen under personas of Singham, Chulbul Panday, Radhe, Rowdy Rathore, etc, reality seems far, far blurred in comparison. Reality is, in fact, so blurred and distant from the false glamour of Bollywood policemen that one cannot wonder where Bollywood gets ideas from – are there any Singhams and Chulbul Pandays in real life? One is also led to wonder if the police force is so incompetent and devoid of their sense of duty, why are they glorified to extreme and insane levels? In no way criticising, rather calling attention to a fundamental flaw, while India soars the skies of Silicon Valley (having produced CEOs for Microsoft and Google lately), it continues to fail its women. Not having moved on from December 2012, it is still stuck in a limbo with regards to rape and its due punishment. Why is it that consenting adults are arrested from a hotel for ‘public’ indecency while molestation in broad daylight is not considered a crime enough to lodge a complaint? And so as both countries gleefully celebrate their independence, I end this rant with just this, how free and independent are women and children on both sides of the border – and whose job is it to keep them safe? Where is the police force? Where are the Singhams, Rathores and Pandays?

It takes ages to find a plot that has the tendency to showcase different emotions, scenarios, and the journey of life i.e. transformation of one’s identity.  [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2xvvor_manjhi-hd-hindi-movie-trailer-2015_shortfilms [/embed]  Manjhi: The Mountain Man is one such story that shares a tale of a man who believes in love, humanity, arrogance, friendship and doing what’s needed in his capacity as an individual to bring a change. It is based on the true story of Dashrath Manjhi, an unsung hero and legend who proved that nothing is impossible to achieve. The film is directed by Ketan Mehta and features Nawazuddin Siddiqui for the lead role of Manjhi. Manjhi has an able team to give what the audience of today’s world is in dire need of. Let’s dissect the movie and find out how rock steady it actually is. Manjhi was an ordinary man from Gehlaur, India, who left his hometown as a child solely because he never wanted to be a slave for Mukhia (Tigmanshu Dhulia), the landlord of the village. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Manjhi Facebook page[/caption] At the age of 20, he returns to his hometown and meets his ‘child bride’ who he was married off to in his childhood, Phaguniya (Radhika Apte). Oblivious to the fact that they were married off as kids, he instantly falls in love with her. But when Phaguniya’s father opposed her relationship with Manjhi as he was jobless, they decide to elope. The movie takes a dramatic turn when Phaguniya accidently slips on the mountain and dies. To avenge his wife, he curses the mountain and vows to bring it down. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Manjhi Facebook page[/caption] Siddiqui has already proved his mettle with almost every movie he has featured in but Manjhi is exceptional and can definitely be considered as one of Siddiqui’s most accomplished works. There is no match to the variety of emotions Siddiqui puts forward for his audience. His peculiar way of laughter after every unusual and weird metaphor is commendable. It’s safe to say that Manjhi is Siddiqui’s best performance till date. He truly deserves an award for this movie. Apte is another underrated actress who showcases her acting prowess in her role of Phaguniya; Mehta has managed to utilise her skills to the fullest. A sensuous mud sequence between Siddiqui and Apte is beautifully and aesthetically filmed, again thanks to Mehta. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Indian Express[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Manjhi Facebook page[/caption] Dhulia as Mukhiya puts forward a phenomenal performance as the oppressive landlord. He gives an earnest performance, though at times viewers might recall shades of his Gangs of Wasseypur character. Ashraful Haq as Manjhi’s father is strictly okay. Prashant Narayanan who plays the role of Jhumru, the helpless husband and powerful Naxalite, is not only effective but dominant too. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Manjhi Facebook page[/caption] It’s hard to make people realise that it’s not any less of a wonder to keep audiences interested in a movie throughout which only has two main characters, Manjhi (the protagonist) and the Mountain (villain of Manjhi’s life). [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Manjhi Facebook page[/caption] Manjhi starts with a high voltage and power-packed scene where Manjhi vents out his anger towards a mountain and challenges to turn the towering piece of rock into scrap – that’s not usual. Or is it? [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Manjhi Facebook page[/caption] Every other scene in Manjhi is praise worthy and leaves a long-lasting imprint in the minds of the audience. Indian cinema has not seen movies like Manjhi which have a solid narrative in a while. Along with it being a cinematic delight, it also puts forth the harsh truth of civil injustice. The movie shows no matter how mountainous injustice is, when there is a will there can be a way made. Manjhi is a masterstroke and movies like these are not produced and showcased on regular basis. Manjhi offers its audience and true cinema aficionados everything they crave for – awesome direction, amazing cinematography, great screen play, fabulous acting and clap worthy dialogues. I would rate Manjhi a solid five out of five without any second thought.

It’s been seven decades since the Partition of Indian sub-continent in 1947, but the governments on both sides are still struggling to manage peace between the two so-called rival nations. The recent complicated dialogue process between India and Pakistan may have been revoked in the middle of the reciprocal accusations as officials argued over the core base of talk-itinerary. However, the public opinion of both nations contains the spirit of peace – and this will remain until reconciliation, tranquillity and good neighbourliness prevails in their respective motherlands. On August 15^th, India’s Independence Day, Indian rock band, Indian Ocean presented a satirical song called Mere Saamne Wali Sarhad Pe that depicted the Indo-Pak glitches. It is a rendition of Kishore Kumar’s classic romantic song Mere Samne Wali Khirki Mein, from the movie Padosan (1968) starring Sunil Dutt and Saira Bano. The two-minute song flawlessly reveals the public message with a tinge of sarcasm in a single video, by the Indian’s political satire show Aisi Taisi Democracy. The song is filled with harsh realities, and has gone viral on all social media platforms. The satirical version – featuring Rahul Ram, social-satirist Sanjay Rajoura and writer-cum-lyricist Varun Grover – endorses the notion that mutual harmony and deep friendship should replace past disputes between the two nations. The intense lyrics explain the duplicities, double standards, religious pressures, suppressions and the real face of the democratic structure on both sides. It accentuates that people of both nations are suffering from common problems, due to similar reasons. For instance:

“Wahan mullay YouTube ban karein, Yahan pandit kissing se ghabraye” (Islamic clerics ban Youtube there, Hindu pandits are scared of kissing here)  “Democracy sadh rahi jailon mein, Aur sarkaro mein katil hai” (Democracy is rotting in jail, while the authorities are the true culprits) “Bas doh family ki chaandi hai, Wahan Bhutto hai, Yahan Gandhi hai” (Only two families are flourishing, the Bhutto’s and the Gandhi’s)

“Seventy years honay ko hain, kuch ukhra ukhra rehta hai” (It has been seventy years, yet we remain worn-out)

“ Us ki sab filmoon, gaanoon mein mujhay dehashatgard dekhate hain” (They portray me as a terrorist in every movie and song)

“Gali deyna ab chhor bhi do, beytho kuch kaam ki baat karein, Kab tak banduhq banayen gey, ab bachon ko kuch gyaan bhi dein, Na Bhutto ka na Gandhi ka, yeh tera mera funda hai.” (Stop giving us the bullet; rather, let’s have a productive talk, For how long will we build weapons, let’s preach our children better, It’s neither Bhutto’s nor Gandhi’s, it’s our own motto.)

“Veezay, filmein aur aashaein, topi karwana chor bhi do.”   (Visas, movies and misleading hopes, stop making such excuses.)

“Asal mein yeh sab kuch goron ka, kuch arbon ka, kuch breaking news ka dhanda hai.” (In reality, this is the doing of American, Arabs and the media.)

Dear Faisal Qureshi, Let me start by saying that while I am a film critic whose reviews are published weekly in Pakistan, I rarely watch Bollywood ‘films’. In fact, the last time I tried, my brain snapped shut, and I vomited uncontrollably for a few minutes. Later, I was diagnosed with Post Bollywood Stress Disorder (PBSD), a mental health condition provoked by a shockingly bad Bollywood film. I was sure I would never watch something as horrific again, until I saw your video response to Indian actor Saif Ali Khan’s comments on the Pakistani ban on his film, Phantom. [fbvideo link="https://www.facebook.com/qureshi.faisal/videos/vb.90055916454/10152932041031455/?type=2&theater"][/fbvideo] Now, I must admit, at the very least, you sparked my interest. After recovering from your video, thanks to a few pills of Imodium, I had a look at the trailer for Phantom. I do agree that this actioner looks like typical Bollywood nonsense where the ideas are recycled from counter-terrorism TV shows such as 24, and films such as Zero Dark Thirty, with the overall tone as subtle as a gorilla conducting a rectal exam. I also agree that Khan is naive to complain about Pakistan blocking his Citizen Kane when similar films of ours are banned in India. I believe films are an art form, and there is nothing artistic about a film which takes thematic decisions based purely on commercialism or patriotism. Meanwhile, Indian film critics have already ripped Phantom to shreds over its jingoism while the charity Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) is all set to sue the filmmakers for its dangerous portrayal of its workers. That being said, Qureshi, while some of your points can be appreciated, your video was even more offensive than the film you were targeting, which certainly takes special doing. This would be like being defeated by a fish in a tree climbing contest, or coming across as the real eccentric after a debate with Donald Trump, or losing to Kamran Akmal in a catching contest, and we know that the Akmal men couldn’t even catch a disease in the middle of an Ebola outbreak. In fact, let me take a few minutes to applause. I have never seen such a potent combination of misogyny, sexism, and misdirected saber rattling, packed into a 12-minute long video. It is as if Junaid Jamshed, Hamza Ali Abbasi, and Aamir Liaquat had a baby. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the cartoon show Captain Planet, but I imagine these gentlemen held up their rings, combined their powers, and formed you. Your attempts to belittle Khan by repeatedly calling him ‘behan’ (sister) and ‘bachi’ (little girl) are so demeaning, I bet even Jamshed is sitting at home thinking,

“Dude, that’s a little sexist.”

“This nation knows how to deal with enemies, both foreign and domestic.”

September 1^st marks the birth centenary of Rajinder Singh Bedi, one of the most gifted and greatest fiction writers of the 20^th century, completing the quartet whose membership also extends to Saadat Hasan Manto, Krishan Chander, and Ismat Chughtai. Bedi was a son of Punjab, born in Lahore. While his output was not as prodigious as his three aforementioned contemporaries, his stories are memorable, chastising ancient beliefs and superstitions which keep the ordinary person ignorant and the women oppressed. He was not a doctrinaire blinded by ideology as many of his contemporaries were, but rather than giving us the heady slogans of revolution, he preferred to lay bare the oppression and its symptoms, and how they affect men and women psychologically, drawing out their hopes and fears and making them a part of himself as well as those of his readers, as they move from one feeling to another. Some of the most memorable characters from Bedi’s stories are women – Indu from ‘Apnay Dukh Mujhay Day Do’ (Give Me Your Sorrows), Munni from ‘Lambi Larki’ (Tall Girl), the eponymous Lajwanti and Jogia, and Rano from Bedi’s only novel, Aik Chadar Maili Si (A Sheet So Dirty). Bedi was also successful in the film world; his interventions in that department were more long-lasting than those of Manto, Chander and Chugtai. When he shifted to Bombay, he flourished in the film industry and in his 35 years spent there, he wrote screenplays, scenes, and dialogues of around 17 movies, including directing some of them. Almost all of these films proved to be high-quality, quaint, and memorable, however, never proving to be box-office hits. I was reminded of the essay below, which I have translated from the Urdu original for the first time, while ruminating over the recent spate of Pakistani films released in the last few months – Jalaibee, Wrong No., Bin Roye, Karachi se Lahore, Moor, Shah and the most anticipated one to be released next week, Sarmad Khoosat’s biopic on Manto. Despite being written a few decades ago from Bedi’s long experience as the ‘father of Indian parallel cinema’, many of the challenges it describes still exist in Bollywood and Lollywood, though more acute in the latter. Whether Pakistan’s recent wave of film-making is a new wave (a start to a truly revolutionary way of film-making like in Iran) or a tidal wave (wrecking everything in its wake) will be determined by how successfully our new film-makers negotiate these challenges. This piece is presented in the hope that it will not only rehabilitate Bedi’s reputation on the occasion of his birth centenary, as not just writer of bitter, often hopeless realities of life in his fiction, but also sublime humour, especially to those new to Bedi’s prose, and also give both film-makers and their audiences in Pakistan some points to ponder.

Although film is child’s play but to make one is not. From the intent to the blueprint up until the film-making, there are hurdles that even a man with a big heart and kidneys will not be able to manage and most probably give out under pressure. A social film is not different from other films, but it is more difficult because it entails greater responsibility. Our society is a bit different with its several religions, races, provinces, languages, dialects, etc. The democratic system has given basic rights to everyone on an individual basis and equal rights on a collective basis. This is not to say that I am against these rights, but the important thing is that my brothers still do not know how to use these rights on an individual and collective basis. I remember when I wrote the film Mirza Ghalib, our first and last motive was that Ghalib’s poetry should be heard in every corner of the land and people should be introduced to his thoughts and the greatness of his poetry. The story is just a ruse with the help of which you write down the reflections of the society of that age. Therefore, Bahadur Shah Zafar says, “Neither a voice rose nor a tear shed. The rule of the Emperor of India was reduced to the bank of the Jamuna.” The Mughal period was ending and British imperialism was gradually spreading its claws. How saddening that when Mirza Sahib arrives at his beloved’s place after his release from prison and knocks at the door, there is no response. At that moment, in a plain but painful sentence, he sums up the whole map of the period, “Hey where are you, dilliwalo (people of Delhi)? Have you taken to sleeping during the day now?” But even then, some people wondered why was Mirza Sahib’s love life was presented as if he was not human and he had no heart. What a heart he had, one finds out by reading his letters. The mention of historical films is a mere obligation, because in reality they do have more than one social angle. But what does one do about the fact that with it there is also the indication of some purpose. For example, it is not easy to make a film about Maharaja Ranjit Singh. The opinion of two historians regarding the reality will not concur, then that purpose will not let the individual angle of his life onto the film screen. You will have to obtain clearance from many institutions and when you obtain clearance, the form of the script will have changed completely, so much so that you will be unable to recognise even your own face. A conversation will also take place, one which resembles the following dialogues –you are very nice, I am also very nice, health is wealth, etc. and if you go against their suspicions, entrenchments will be made, your life would be in danger and you will not be able to go out of the house. It is better if you do not make a film about Zebunissa, because she was Emperor Aurangzeb’s daughter and therefore like Julius Caesar’s wife, above all suspicion and doubt. Her love for Akil Khan, the Governor of Multan will not only be treated suspiciously, but its health, I mean, the health of the tale will be deemed absurd. Why go far? Recently, Satyajit Ray, whom the world acknowledges as a great director, made a film which showed a nurse who took to prostitution at night, forced by her domestic circumstances. Now that was an individual matter which had nothing to do with professional nurses as a whole. But chaos ensued upon this. The nurses started a movement and Mr Ray had to apologise to them. I ask, isn’t it a strange thing that on one hand people demonstrate against films like Mirza Ghalib and Sanskar and on the other hand, the Indian government declares them the best films of the year. The president himself presents the makers with the swarn padak (gold medal) and the Maan Patra. The conditions in the country present extremely difficult hurdles in making a social film at home. Leaving aside different groups, nations, and purpose, the government itself is not innocent of this sin. For example, the official government policy is ahinsa (non-injury and non-violence). But what should be done about the fact that we have accepted the numerous who used hinsa (injury and harm) as our leaders, bowed our heads before them and sung wedding songs praising it. I present you with the example of Shaheed Bhagat Singh, who was the first and last revolutionary. He was a socialist at heart and his ideology was that it was impossible to overthrow British imperialism without the use of force. Now if you make a film about him, then on one hand, you will have to indicate hidden sexual relations by having his comrade Bhagwati Charan Vohra’s wife being repeatedly called bhabhi, and on the other hand, either leave out the incident of them throwing a bomb in the assembly or narrate it in such a way that they merely wanted to startle the imperialists. At that moment, an internal contradiction will be born. Did they also kill superintendent of police Saunders in Lahore in order to startle the British? If you show these events as they actually happened, you will be the target of all sorts of attacks, because there are various groups in the country which believe in the gun and the bullet and the government’s policy is that it cannot tolerate even an explosion, otherwise what will happen to the hundreds of thousands of young men who create an uproar in the university campus day and night? It will be like teasing history if we say that India got independence due to ahinsa. The sailors of the Royal Navy also had a hand in it, they fought the battle for Indian independence under the pretext of provision of substandard food and maltreatment, opposed the British and were martyred by the latter’s bullets in the streets of Bombay. After the 20^th year of the Jallianwala Bagh incident, Udham Singh reached London and shot Michael O’Dwyer and avenged our national humiliation. But you cannot show this social and historical truth without facing any trouble. This is because we have Commonwealth relations with Britain, which we cannot spoil, keeping in mind the present international conditions. We cannot stare truth in the eye. We are faced with a myriad of problems at every step while making a social film. If you are making a film on national unity, you will not have the courage to present the events at Ranchi, Bhiwandi and Maligaon in their true form, because they involved savage cruelty perpetrated by people of one faith or nation. When you show Hindu-Muslim riots, it is important for you to show the killing of two Muslims where two Hindus have been killed. But neither the Hindus nor the Muslims will be satisfied with this. Both will be unhappy with you and as a result, you will have trouble in obtaining a censor certificate. You also cannot tap the present agitation of the students. You cannot try to tap into their squabbles and opposition. Whatever that is happening on university campuses today, what exactly is it? Is it that the youth of today has lost its head, have they become sanyasis (Hindu religious mendicant) by renouncing their real purpose or are they the victims of the shenanigans of different political parties? What is the reason for this beating and bruising? They too acknowledge Gandhi ji. Then why do these people suddenly turn to fight so willingly? To go into the depth of these matters and make a film about them is not only difficult but impossible. If you do this, then the feet of thousands of people will land on your own feet and these are the people who have powerful connections. Therefore, you should only talk about the well-rounded daal (lentils). Include five or six songs, two to four dances, have the mother, father, sons and daughters separated from each other since childhood, so that the elder brother can become a police inspector when he grows up, present his younger brother as a criminal in court out of ignorance and later it becomes known that the judge was the father of these two brothers and the mother who was giving evidence against the son, was his wife. Then it will become difficult for the father and a headache for the mother. If you make a film about the youth, just focus on love between the elders as being real love and the love of the youth being equally shameful and an evil deed. Don’t write it as the proper various pursuits between Shri Madhba Gawat, his wife, and other males. It is enough that they already faced some difficulties. The elders have no time. They don’t consider them political or accept them as leaders, and if they do, they try to change it around with their own opposite meanings. Now come to that notorious word ‘sex’. Our society can bear that a boy and girl, while dancing around a tree or in a car, commit cheap and immoral acts, but cannot tolerate it in the garden, which is the first gift given by a lover to his beloved. We take three to four reels in our films just to prove that Raju loved Radha, but the psychological point which could be proved in a few seconds, it seems the whole society is against it, our society does not give permission for it. The inheritors of Khajuraho and Konark say this repeatedly. The real purpose was to present this act in a discrete manner and film, which is also art to a certain extent, should let go of commercial and professionals hands. But what generally happens is that big film-makers do not have equal permission to film a few scenes. This way, the censor board has given some space for every film and the events happening in it to be seen through the eyes of the filmmaker and the true nature of the event. But this doesn’t happen in reality. If we accept for a moment that the custodians of censorship are people with hearts, what is to be done about those who first see the film themselves in order to pass the film at the public level, and whose literary taste requires reflection and who repeatedly claim ‘I neither write films, nor watch them’. For example, I make a film whose central idea is that a child should be given sex education as soon as he becomes an adult and he should be apprised of all those dangers which can take place later on in life. If my point is clear and I do not blunder in presenting the case of a boy and girl, of course there will be no drama, but if I somehow commit a blunder, then I will have to present a solution which is popular and not one which is psychological. Recently, I was making a film which was psychological. What happens is that a woman’s husband runs away, abandoning his house because of another girl. After his departure, a girl is born to that woman. She marries upon growing up, but the mother attaches herself to her daughter in such a way as to make breathing for the son-in-law difficult. A day comes when she sees her daughter and son-in-law in each other’s arms and for a moment, projects herself in place of her daughter. Man often thinks about things which are unacceptable from a social and moral ideology, but the truth is that he does understand, no matter how much he may consider himself to be a sinner afterwards. That is why it happens like this. The mother-in-law does stop for a moment, but moves back, startled and overflowing with feelings of guilt, goes to the temple and begins chanting the bhajan (prayer), “Mine is only Girdhar Gopal (Lord Krishna/God) and no one else.” I had just filmed this scene and my heroine objected to it, “How can this happen?” I said, “It happens Madame.” And then, when I proved my point, she leaves the set, embarrassed by the passion of being a sinner. She did end up doing that scene, but kept thinking she will be flogged by the public over it. I told her to send over the shoes flung at her to me since my own shoes are rather worn out. The maker of social films is like a woman who attended a party in a gharara and upon her return, it begins to rain heavily and consequently water is accumulated right in front of her house. Her man puts bricks and slabs on the way just like Sir Walter Raleigh, and she walks carefully while handling her gharara. But how could she know that one particular brick had been placed in a bent position. She falls down into the water, while handling the gharara. Caution sank her. Oh no. There are great obstacles in making a social film. You are naked from all four corners. That’s not all, to top it off, there is no skin on your body and you have to pass through a salt mine. One can’t imagine under what circumstances social films are made. We are fully free in name only, but the stages one encounters afterwards, the situation reminds me of a couplet by Majaz, “Such are the boundaries the guardians of the harem have drawn That I cannot send my message without being a prisoner born.”

Sadly, there is nothing unusual about teenage suicide. Nothing new about the reason behind it either. Recently, two teenagers, aged 15 and 16, killed themselves at their school in Karachi, apparently because they were ‘in love’ and did not expect their families to consent to them marrying each other. According to The Express Tribune, the boy shot the girl first as per her request before pulling the trigger on himself. The young couple had left behind two suicide notes for their parents. Both of them said that they were aware that their parents would never allow them to get married which is why they decided to take their lives. Both letters, which appear to be written by the same person, requested the parents to honour their dying wish to be buried next to each other. Whatever the facts of the matter, keeping in mind that in such cases the facts are never clear, the reality is that these two children died and our hearts go out to their families during this terrible time. May the two children rest in peace, and may Allah (SWT) give their families strength to bear their loss. Teen years are never easy. With turbulent hormone levels and uncertain judgement, it is hardly surprising that suicide is a significant cause of death amongst teenagers. It is as true that parenthood is not easy either, and being a parent of teenage children is particularly difficult. Like any profession, being a parent is learned on the job. To expect a ready-made sage to emerge as a result of a nikkah and the process of childbirth is naive in the extreme. Therefore, to blame the parents for this or any similar case is cruel and indecent. The reaction to this awful incident is what invites comments the most. Reports of this tragedy elicited scores of comments within the day, most of which passed a harsh sentence on the parents. Strange, because which of us is without error as a parent and can throw the first stone? And how wrong is it to jump to conclusions at a time like this, particularly when all is conjecture and none of the facts are clearly presented before us? Even were it otherwise, it is obvious that our compatriots stand in need of sensitivity. Other commentators pointed fingers at Hollywood, Bollywood, local television plays, Indian and others, computers, iPads, mobile phones, and free phone packages, 3G networks, video games, co-education, little religion, no love and too many firearms. I looked but could not find any allusions to the CIA or Mossad, but I am sure they will turn up in due course if they’re not already there, camouflaged by the reference to movies. We must learn the sheer inevitability of technology. It is like the sexual urge. It will happen and suppressing it will create problems. You can only learn to use it in the right way. So TV will happen. Computers will happen, as will books, movies, cartoons, and YouTube. Ban it as much as you will. People will find them, read them, see them, hear them, and more so if they are banned. I would not have cared two hoots for it but because it was banned, I admit to having read the book that was set to become Salman Rushdie’s great flop before it was banned. The thing that can and must be controlled in some way is the easy access to firearms. What is being done about this? And about the reason why so many persons possess firearms in the first place? The possession of firearms is very often a result of a very real perception of a lack of security. Even so, the possession of firearms is open to abuse. Remember how Salman Taseer was killed? Security is a state concern which it has shamelessly shirked along with most of its other responsibilities. What is being done to make this country more secure, other than making it over to arbitrary justice handed out by unqualified courts? And there are many other persons who possess firearms with a view to aggression rather than self-protection. What is being done about them? The other point in this case is that the young boy, being an Ismaili, would not have been accepted by the girl’s family, or so it is reported in the news. Who knows what the facts of the case are, as I said before, and I stress on this again. Certainly, the local SHO had no reservations about claiming that the two were very young and came from different communities, and ‘which parents would have allowed this?’ It could be that he was referring to them being underage, but he could equally be referring to their belonging to separate communities. And that is probably the saddest thing of all, that the factor of community is ever an issue. Even if that is not the truth in this particular incident, there is the fact that the SHO seems it fit to say so, the fact that so many people would agree that two different communities may not intermarry, even if they both call themselves Muslim. If this is not a problem of our own creation, what is? Why, at every instant, do we blame someone else for our problems? Like other countries, Pakistan has a host of issues. It is time we recognised that our society and no one else is at fault in most tragedies that occur here. We have lost the ability to share, coexist and debate as a society and the results are before us. Many years ago, a person who committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in the US left a note that read,

“I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.”

Directed by Anees Bazmee, Welcome (2007), starring Akshay Kumar, Nana Patekar, Anil Kapoor, and Katrina Kaif, became an instant hit because of its ensemble cast and masala-filled story. Welcome Back, the sequel, is set to create the same hilarious chaos that it did in Welcome. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2zxzfs_welcome-back-trailer-2-hindi-movie-2015_shortfilms[/embed] Replacing Akshay Kumar in the sequel is John Abraham as Ajju Bhai/Ajay Barsi, while Shruti Hassan plays the female protagonist opposite Abraham. Patekar and Kapoor depict underworld dons, Uday Shetty and Majnu Pandey respectively. The cast also includes Paresh Rawal (Dr Ghungroo), Dimple Kapadia (Maha Rani), and Naseeruddin Shah aka ‘wanted bhai’. Also directed by Bazmee, and written by the successful trio of Bazmee, Rajiv Kaul, and Raj Shandaliya, Welcome Back has the same wittiness and slapstick humour as its prequel. However, viewers will miss Kumar and Kaif’s on-screen chemistry, or people might just prefer Abraham in the lead, being a fresh face with Kumar’s comic timing and expressions. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Welcome Back Facebook page[/caption]

Hero (2015) is a remake of the original Hero, released in 1983, which starred Jackie Shroff and Meenakshi Sheshadri. This latest rendition of new comers, romance and action, along with Salman Khan’s singing stints, is disappointing, to say the least. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2y86i5[/embed] Sunil Shetty may have been the action hero of his time, but his daughter, Athiya Shetty needs a couple of more films under her name before walking on the path of stardom. It was evident that she was having difficulty delivering her dialogues, as they felt unnatural and abrupt. However, this might just be Sooraj Pancholi’s big break in the field of show business as he blended in with his character without any major hiccups. Pancholi’s father, Aditya Pancholi also stars in the movie, depicting the role of an underworld gangster, Pasha. Needless to say, the expectations from this remake were high – all eyes were set on the debutantes, Shetty and Pancholi. However, the movie failed to deliver what it had promised. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="543"] Photo: Hero Facebook page[/caption] Directed by Nikhil Advani and produced by Salman Khan and Subhash Ghai, Hero is the story of Sooraj (Pancholi), a gangster who meets and befriends Radha (Shetty). The boy and the girl belong to opposite families and lifestyles – very Bollywood like and clichéd. Radha’s father, Inspector General Mathur (Tigmanshu Dhulia) is a police chief, and as per law and logic, a gangster and a police officer cannot coexist in a peaceful environment, hence a tussle is evident from one of the first scenes of the movie. This keeps intensifying scene by scene until the climax is reached. The action unfolds when Sooraj compels Radha to run away with him, but little does Radha know that Sooraj actually intends to kidnap her. The real motive behind Sooraj’s actions will be revealed when viewers watch the movie. Radha, upon learning of Sooraj’s true intentions, intends to escape his captivity even though she is unable to overlook her feelings for Sooraj. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="429"] Photo: Hero Facebook page[/caption] Whether she ends up staying with Sooraj or ends up reporting his crimes to her dutiful father is another mystery which only the audience can solve once they watch the movie. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Hero Facebook page[/caption] Dhulia is yet another character who simply looks lost in the movie. Moreover, the entire movie is carried forward by the belligerent villain, something which Aditya Pancholi failed to do. The difference between the Pasha of Hero (2015) and Hero (1983) is perhaps greater than the Great Wall of China. But we can’t entirely blame Aditya Pancholi for that because the legendary Amrish Puri played the role of Pasha in the original Hero, and only a few have come to par with his acting calibre. It’s rather unfortunate that Pancholi couldn’t create a place for himself in cinema because this role was the stepping stone to his success throne. The soul rendering soundtracks along with the actors’ performances made the original Hero an instant box office hit. However, in case of the recent remake, neither the average music nor the dormant chemistry between the leading pair created any buzz, something which the original Hero managed to do quite well. Where the original Hero’s songs seem classy even today, I would not even like to give the new production’s songs a second listen. Even Salman Khan’s record ‘Main hoon hero tera’ failed miserably at appealing to the audiences. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x31hxsf[/embed] Let’s just say that the film is quite directionless, the scenes do not blend, the characters lack cohesiveness, and their timing is a tad bit out of proportion, if not completely. Moreover, the scenes are somewhat confusing and the dialogues lack impact. Every action film at the very least should have a strong background story of the lead protagonist and antagonist – the audiences have difficulty understanding why Pasha became a notorious gangster in the first place and why Sooraj insists on living the thug life. Interestingly, Subhash Ghai directed the original version of Hero and the remake, but clearly, he could not add the same vivacity to the remake. If you are willing to invest 145 minutes of your time watching Hero, brace yourselves for a movie which will fade away from your memory as soon as you step out of the cinema. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="491"] Photo: Hero Facebook page[/caption] I would rate it a two out of five.

It is said we were born twins at the stroke of midnight long ago, when brows were wet with the anticipation of liberation. A 100-year-old subjugation was coming to an end. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world slept, we opened our eyes in horror. In a sudden cry, the veil of fantasy fell down to a novel reality of madness and chaos. Our birth was not a surprise, it was professed by soothsayers of all kind and they knew our fates very well. The umbilical cords got tied and in the darkness of the background, the serpent sang his poisonous lullaby, slowly intoxicating our minds and then disappeared into the velvet of the night. That was when an era saw its end and the rules of power politics were changing diagrams. Some nations disappeared from the map while new boundaries emerged. Man had become savage. The secret was kept and we were separated, only to mark a cold history of mass bloodshed, rape and plunder and here I am today, contemplating our brutal history a few hundred miles away from my own self. The sky was spotless and the sun fiercely shone over us while the bus sped with its diesel vigour through the age-old grand trunk road. The road seemed to be endless. Our sweat-sodden bodies headed towards Attari and I was, as usual, going through my poetry fits. Each one of us had fictionalised his own Pakistan and had I not used my amazing power of intuition, I would have never been able to know how all of us were heading towards different destinations. The chatter in the bus revealed that nobody knew anything about Pakistan and everybody knew everything about Pakistan. Are you raising your eyebrows at this fallacy? Let me explain. All our lives we’ve been injected with state-centred discourse that dictates that the two countries are very different. We are ‘natural enemies’. Since the ‘beginning of time’, India and Pakistan have existed on polar ends of the world spectrum. Spoonful of national fervour has been painfully swallowed by every Indian before going to sleep. So we thought we knew everything that there is to know about Pakistan. We couldn’t have been more wrong. The dying day breathed its last breath and the sky turned into a delicate crimson. Slumber took me and my unconscious mind busied itself manufacturing dreams that were ethereal and green. I hugged my passport to myself, afraid I would lose it. I would search my pockets in panic. I was haunted by my absent-mindedness. I would always find it in one of my small pockets, just a little dirtier than before. I could not imagine losing this document which allowed me a safe passage under the scrutiny of a vigilant soldier who, for some reason, used to frown a lot. Should I not tell you my irony, which is only mine, as I am haunted by my Kashmiri identity, where official scrutiny is a monster that follows you around. I take solace in my fair complexion back home because I can be easily mistaken for a foreigner. In my country, white men make no enemies. They are cherished and considered to be clean. They speak fluent English, therefore, I have learnt to shroud myself with crisp yeses, noes and sirs. After long documentation procedures and surveillance checks, we had the privilege of walking down the road to Lahore. We deliberately chose walking through the borders on foot, drinking its ecstasies sip by sip, and there it was in the shadows of Gandhi and Jinnah, a small piece of barren land which is so ill fated that nobody chose its ownership except Bishan Singh in the obscene mind of Manto, who is not sure who is a better writer, “god or he?”. The no-man’s land and its discrete barrenness, the scar of 1947, the epitome of insanity – I felt like I was walking through the intricacies of history. The delight of entering Pakistan brought no rush in my blood, my hormones were calm and fantasies remained fantasies. It was the same hot day, same people, same piece of land; nothing did change except flags and nationalities. Our Pakistan visit stretched for a whole week. We spent most of our time in Lahore where we were hosted by the Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS). It was like meeting our own selves through the looking glass where nothing turned upside down. Lahore has the same climate as Amritsar and Delhi, the people share similar fashions, they prefer listening to Yo Yo Honey Singh and think that Bollywood movies are a delight. They eat like us, yes with their hands and the food is as spicy as it is in Punjab. Our mannerisms are no different, we speak similar dialects and surprisingly, we share common worries of poverty, unemployment and scarce electricity. Both neglect women and both spend huge sums on military. On our trip, we visited the Badshahi Mosque and I was consumed by its grandeur. Iqbal quietly slept nearby. We left Badshahi Mosque and meandered into the food street. They were archaic structures which have been transformed into restaurants. They used to be brothels where women danced on khyal beat and men rose high in their raptures of the deep. The food mesmerised our appetite, while the surrounding ambiance mellowed down the heat, and in this wildness of pleasure and taste we left the place. Other places we visited include Baba Farid Dargah at Kasur and Baba Ganj Shakar dargah at Pak Pattan. These were peaceful places, had a spiritual experience in the shadow of those fakirs who aspired for a deeper understanding of religion, of unity of human beings as a whole. They served both good and bad and stole a little goodness from the good and healed the errant. But the earth now holds them in deep meditation, they be the springs of enlightenment and bring people of this subcontinent into a spiritual union. The whole trip was not just a walk through the narrow streets of Lahore; it was more of meeting my own self, my separated half. How easily one could connect to its other fragmented part and it is only our ignorance and lack of tolerance that shape us into two distinct objects. The rapture of Partition and its hidden animosity can only preach hate but it is the responsibility of the people of these two nations to move beyond memories towards reconciliations. A progression towards Indo-Pak amity does not only forecast economic profits, rather it shall provide us the desired political stability and humanitarianism. I feel it is high time for these two nations to reciprocate friendship rather than ideas, and mellow down in terms of grudges. Borders need to be made transparent; people should start knowing each other by visiting each other. More and more student interactions should be endorsed and recommended so that future generations have a privilege of knowing their neighbours better. War and enmity are the harvest of ill social constructs that root you into ideologies of hate and severe hostilities. Why not share our stories and together we weep in sorrows of the time we lost in fighting each other and also in the joy of a new dawn that is a step away. To a Kashmiri Indian, Pakistan is a magical land of freedom, the unseen and highly imagined, midnight fantasy. However, from my various interactions with friends and other people from the Indian sub-continent who find Pakistan to be a hard country, I have come to the conclusion that these beliefs emerge out of certain perceptions and perceptions are second-hand borrowed realities. Narratives alter the mind and courage is required to overcome these forces that lead you astray. I entered Pakistan through a dream channel and while leaving I was able to find myself a new reality that nobody dictated or pushed onto me. It is to be remembered that a country is not a religion. rather it is a union of people and cultures where language and ideologies should not be the barrier for a holy intercourse of peace. In this mix, Kashmir fallouts appear to be a miscarriage. In the words of Rumi, “Come, come, whoever you are, Wanderer, idolater, worshiper of fire, Come even though you have broken your vows a thousand times, Come, and come yet again. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come let us heal each other, Come, let us put an end to these borders.” All photos: Mohammad Tabish

A few days ago, I was browsing through my Facebook newsfeed and thinking how boring this particular social media website had become of late. Scarcely had the thought entered my head, when I saw that someone had shared this image on their page, I was about to scroll down, thinking it was probably some ‘blown-out-of-proportion’ news about the Bollywood actress Aishwariya Rai, when I noticed the words “class seven history book” accompanying the image. When I stopped to read the status, image and accompanying text as well as the comments that followed, I was literally left dumbfounded. This image is from a history book being taught in grade seven and eight in private schools of Karachi. The chapter seems to be about the Mughal Emperor, Jalaluddin Akbar and the image shows Aishwariya Rai who played Jodhaa (one of Akbar’s wives) in the Bollywood movie Jodhaa Akbar, released in 2008. In addition to the actress’s image and mention of the movie, the book also included other seemingly irrelevant questions such as, Have you seen this film? Do you know any of the songs? Do you think Jodhaa looked like Aishwariya Rai’s depiction of her? Intrigued, I did some search and found another image shared by the same concerned parent from the same textbook, this time depicting an Indian film poster from 1953. At first glance, all of this seems harmless and even mildly hilarious. I, for one, remember history lessons to be boring, mind-numbing and sleep-inducing; so, these questions add an interesting twist, if not given much thought. But on a deeper level, there are so many things wrong with the inclusion of these images and related questions in a history textbook for seventh graders. Firstly, there is the glaring issue that a parent highlighted in the comments – are we now teaching the history of Pakistan through Indian movies? We have all heard how history is skewed on both sides of the border to show their respective selves in a positive and superior light. So what’s happening now? Is it suddenly okay for Pakistani history students to learn history from the ‘hated’ Indian movies? Don’t get me wrong. I have no personal vendetta against our neighbours but this just seems inappropriate considering that text books have to be (one would assume so at least) approved by the education ministry which is a government body and hence, should not (again one would assume so at least) be promoting Indian content to Pakistani students in schools. Secondly, education is sacred. Education needs to be made interesting for students without resorting to such low and inappropriate tactics. Like I said earlier, I remember history lessons to be monotonous and tedious. But that had more to do with how history was taught than the subject itself. Fortunately for me, I loved the historical accounts – tales full of intrigue, love, hate, politics, success and failure – and hence, didn’t do too badly in the subject. But if the authors and publishers are going to argue that they were trying to make the subject more exciting for students, I am sorry that is just a lame argument. Could they really not do any better than,

“Do you know any of the songs (from Jodhaa Akbar)?”

“Do you think Jodhaa looked like Aishwariya Rai’s depiction of her?”,

This year witnessed Pakistani cinema step out of a murky and Bolly obsessed past into a well-choreographed, seductive, witty, and innuendo-filled cinematic future. For a country, now in its 69^th year of independence, that once teemed with 1500 movie houses – it’s about time. The 2015 blockbuster, Jawani Phir Nahi Ani (JPNA), was the perfect culmination to a year of decent Lollywood films. Below are the venerable author’s six astute observations on the three hour Nadeem Baig comedy on the burdened life of three bachelors under the tyranny of their wives. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ls6q2[/embed] 1. “What happens in Bangkok stays in Bangkok” [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Jawani Phir Nahi Ani Facebook page[/caption] ...is every Pakistani bachelor’s motto because getting a visa to Thailand is way easier, than trying to make it to the actual Sin City (Las Vegas). 2. ‘Bwoooyz’ trip [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Photo: Jawani Phir Nahi Ani Facebook page[/caption] JPNA’s male characters are appealingly recognisable – the slick, sweet talker (Humayun Saeed), the slightly overweight class quipster (Ahmed Butt), the self-conscious dork (Vasay Chaudry), and the perennially skirt-chasing Don Juan (Hamza Ali Abbasi). Our band of lotharios head to Bangkok to fulfil their ultimate stereotypical male fantasies; Thai ‘massages’, beers on the beach (Adios amigos to the orange juice ke glasses at Port Grand Karachi), and night-time car rides with the top down. And, of course, no Pakistani ‘bwoyz’ trip is complete without the unabashedly obvious ogling of bikini-laden jiggly décor aka white female tourists. The JPNA male cast pulls off the sleazypan in a classically lascivious manner that only our desi and Arab male counterparts seem to be capable of. (To all those slamming Hamza Ali Abbasi as a hypocrite for his comments post-production, please note, it seems that the bechara had mistaken the bikini-walis to be CIA operatives. It happens to the best of us, okay?) After too many hours of too many hijinks, the movie predictably diffuses into an ‘all is well that ends well’ dream sequence as the misbehaving boys get what they are supposed to, also known as the love of their wives, as well as everything else they want, without even really having to try. In JPNA’s covertly misogynistic world, the lying and cheating husbands’ estranged wives take a journey from Karachi to Lahore to tell them they miss them and ask them to come home. 3. Piece bara tait aey [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] Despite the film’s grossly frequent misogynistic overtures (please refer to all scenes from Thailand and the final courtroom scene), the female characters still manage to take charge of JPNA and steal the spotlight. The heady combination of a hormonally charged up, very pregnant (both in reel and real life), gun-toting Pakhtun wife (Sarwat Gilani), the uptight, let-me-ignore-shady husband’s-misgivings wife (Ayesha Khan), the overworked, overbooked mother (Uzma Khan), the selfie obsessed drama queen fiancée (Sohai Ali), and the ballsy, tequila chugging girlfriend (Mehwish Hayat) dominate the screen in a way that is brave and impossible not to care about. Wannabe mullahs everywhere will tell you this is not the real Pakistan and this is not the archetypal Pakistani woman. While that’s not entirely inaccurate it’s also not entirely true. These women do represent at least some types of the average Pakistani woman. And they do it skilfully and beautifully. You don’t have to be comfortable with or even like a drunken-with-daddy-issues Mehwish Hayat, an overworked, too busy for lovemaking Uzma Khan, or the insanely annoying daddy’s girl Sohai Ali who lives for Instagram. But you still have to doff your hat to the way in which some of our industry’s most talented actresses execute these characters. 4. All is ‘Fair and Lovely’ when it comes to product placement [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="565"] Photo: Jawani Phir Nahi Ani Facebook page[/caption] Everything is a product in JPNA, so much so that even the cast has trouble separating out what they think is marketable to the Pakistani masses from what they actually want. Does Hamza Ali Abbasi really want to wear that much Levis? There is such a thing as too much crucifixes, plaid and denim on a grown man. And does Sohai Ali really want to openly reveal her beauty as a result of skin bleaching Fair and Lovely at her own mehndi party? No one really wants to admit ye hai Fair and Lovely ka jalwa. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x338nzq[/embed] These random brand plugs leave the viewers unnecessarily distracted, and no more or less likely to use a Habib Bank credit card machine. But, okay. Films funders are funders. 5. A comedy of (fairly) epic proportions [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Jawani Phir Nahi Ani Facebook page[/caption] JPNA made me laugh till my kidney hurt. But that doesn’t change the fact that that the film is essentially a three hour Humayun Saeed self-congratulatory fantasy. For the sake of Allah, please tell me why the man insists on dressing like a dulha (groom) with Shahrukh Khan-esque sultry gazes and highlighted hair rivalling on-screen love interest Mehwish Hayat’s hair? With maybe 30 minutes of a plot that has been unbearably diluted to a feature length film – albeit with a great cast and attractive celebrity cameos (ahem, hey, Fahad Mustafa!) – my fellow moviegoers and I gasped in mild horror and looked at our watches when the intermission sign flashed on the screen because, no lie, at hour one I was satisfied and ready to go home. 6. In Lollywood, past is the past [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Jawani Phir Nahi Ani Facebook page[/caption]  JPNA is Lollywood’s conciliatory move telling you the past is prologue. The soundtrack hits the spot by sneakily following the current Bolly inspired formula for acoustic success; Yo Yo Honey Singh wali beat, scantily clad women, film’s leading men mock rapping in a dark room with sunglasses on for non-visual reasons, and approximately thirty random shout outs to five different alcohol brands. Bacardi may or may not have been a film sponsor. Either way, the soundtrack fills the bill and this author guarantees that Fair and Lovely and Nach Ke Dekha will be playing in all shaadi (wedding) halls this winter. [embed width=“620”]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x378enp[/embed] The wedding sets and choreography rival a Karan Johar flick. The ridiculously over-the-top and maddening fiasco that has become Pakistani wedding preparation is emulated perfectly in a brief sequence with Sohai Ali and Bushra Ansari’s interactions with unknown, run of the mill designer XYZ charging a couple of crores for medicority (“But it’s my first wedding, mummy”). Humayun Saeed’s sherwani game is so on point it’s like looking at a visually similar sketch of Shahrukh Khan (SRK) circa Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, Kal Ho Naa Ho, etc. In fact, throughout the full three hours the man does not let us forget he’s the self-proclaimed SRK of Lollywood. Finally, the entire cast expertly capitalises on the mantra ‘sex sells’. The sexual innuendo is on point. From Javaid Sheikh suggestively gyrating on a motorbike, to Humayun Saeed instructing Mehwish Hayat to get down on her knees (to dodge a bullet, but of course), the comedy is evocative and as subtle as a blow to the head. So leave your morals, religious convictions, and fatwas at home. This is the Naya Pakistan.

When a former Miss World decides to make a comeback to the main screen after a five year long hiatus, the movie will definitely be worth watching. By teaming up with one of the most bankable and creative director cum producer, Sanjay Gupta, Aishwariya Rai Bachan, along with the supremely talented Irrfan Khan – the true Maqbool of Bollywood – have laid out a wonderful cinematic journey for viewers in the form of Jazbaa. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2r6lvb[/embed] Jazbaa is a thrilling and captivating movie, inspired by the Korean movie, Seven Days. The plot of the movie revolves around varying focal points regarding a murder-rape case. The main characters in the movie are the lawyer, Anuradha Verma (Aishwarya Rai Bachchan), a suspended police officer, Yohaan, (Irrfan Khan), the unfortunate victim’s mother, Garima Chaudhary (Shabana Azmi), the prime suspect, Niyaz Sheikh, (Chandan Roy Sanyal) and a kidnapper. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500"] Photo: Jazbaa Facebook page[/caption] The interesting bit emerges when the kidnapper abducts Verma’s daughter, and for ransom the kidnapper demands his name should be cleared and he should be able to walk out of the court room clear off all allegations. The movie is crafted brilliantly along with a taut script. The best part about the movie is the fact that viewers will have numerous questions whizzing in their mind all throughout the movie. Direction wise, Jazbaa is remarkable. The movie does not remain stagnant; instead, it keeps growing, allowing the viewer to be engrossed till the very end. The dialogues are such that will linger on in your mind after the movie ends, Kamlesh Pandey and the director have done a great job in this regard. Sanjay Gupta has yet again lived up to expectations of him being a maestro in the world of cinema. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan was last seen on screen in the movie Guzaarish (2010), therefore Jazbaa is the perfect comeback feature film for her, because the role was demanding and she surpassed numerous scenes with complete ease. She seems to be in supreme form and does complete justice to her character. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Jazbaa Facebook page[/caption] My favourite character was Irrfan Khan; he stole the show for me. As the main lead in a main stream commercial movie, Khan is flawless. Viewers couldn’t help but applaud and whistle whenever he would deliver his dialogues. He adds a certain zing to almost every dialogue he speaks – a sign of a commendable actor. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500"] Photo: Jazbaa Facebook page[/caption] Shabana Azmi’s acting is laudable as well; I felt this was one of her strongest roles over the past few years. She excels in her role as the victim’s mother with ease. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500"] Photo: Jazbaa Facebook page[/caption] Jackie Shroff, who makes a guest appearance, was incredible in his short-lived role. His persona, expressions, and performance are praiseworthy. The actor who plays the prime suspect, Chandan Roy, is downright amazing; I feel he needs to be given more roles in upcoming movies. Roy has always delivered his part with sincerity and dedication; for instance, his performances in D-Day and Kaanchi. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500"] Photo: Jazaa Facebook page[/caption] Jazbaa is definitely worth a watch if you are interested in great acting, interesting dialogues, and a good cinematic experience. I would rate Jazbaa 3.5 out of five.

Sometimes it is easy to forget the bond between Pakistan and India. Growing up in the Middle East, I had a number of Indian friends, and there was never an ounce of animosity between us, except of course, during a Pakistan-India cricket match. During one of these events, the passive aggressive jokes were as bare knuckled as they could get. We took great pleasure in beating the Indian cricket team during matches at Sharjah, while they enjoyed returning the favour at World Cup events. But even during these hot moments, empathy somehow found its way. After Pakistan was decisively beaten by India at the World Cup quarterfinal at Bangalore, where Aamir Sohail lost to his arrogance after dominating the run chase in a batting extravagance, I, like so many of my Pakistani classmates in Saudi Arabia, was deeply disappointed. That evening, I barely touched my dinner and even skipped breakfast the next morning before school, where the atmosphere amongst Pakistani students was gloomy to say the least. Later that night, as with every other night, I was dropped off by my father at my math tutor’s home. This tutor taught at a local Indian high school by day, and gave private lessons to mostly Indian students by night. When I walked in, I expected to see gloating faces; after all, the match had been talked up for days. Instead, the Indian students were very sporting, while the tutor himself tried to cheer me up by blaming Venkatesh Prasad for rattling Aamir Sohail’s cage. I found the relationship to be similarly healthy while studying in Canada. Indians and Pakistanis shared a special affinity; they hung out together, dated each other, and were more like separated relatives than bickering siblings. The most recent story I have to share is of a vacation in Nepal. The sun had set after we had walked a good 40 minutes from our lodge to an elephant training ground. Although Chitwan is a safe city, walking back with family in utter darkness did not seem like a bright idea. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a vehicle in sight. Here, an extended Indian family had no hesitation in inviting a few Pakistanis to hitch a ride with them on the back of their jeep. At the risk of revving up the cheese, there was little room on the jeep but plenty of room in their hearts. Our trip to the country was made more memorable after we befriended an Indian trekker visiting the country from Singapore. We all gelled over the mutual distaste for our governments and the Bollywood film industry in general. With such camaraderie on neutral ground, the friction between India and Pakistan contrasts sharply at home. There are, real issues, of course. Kashmir is one of the most glaring ones. Other religious issues are so vast; one can see why partition was necessary, especially in the light of recent events. The fundamental difference is that the Muslim majority in Pakistan likes consuming beef, especially during Eid. Meanwhile, the Hindu majority in India considers the cow a scared animal. One side believes it is commanded to protect the source of beef, while the other believes it must be consumed. It is impossible to satisfy one belief without insulting the other and is the sort of comedic difference you’d find between two roommates in a sitcom. No, the writers of Perfect Strangers couldn’t have written it any better. As the people of both nations take their beliefs less seriously with each passing generation, you can expect the frostiness to thaw out over time. Until then, there are roguish elements on either side of the border ready to fan the flames. In India, of course, there is Shiv Sena, which is considered a bit of a national embarrassment. The political party, with all the petulance of a spoiled toddler, has had a disruptive presence. They’ve dug up their own cricket pitches, damaging their own World Cup trophy, and attacking their own film stars. Recently, they’ve turned their sights towards Pakistanis in India. The victims have been film stars, theatre actors, plays, cricket board officials, and our favourite umpire, Aleem Dar. I suppose this is why Shiv Sena’s open invitation to Nobel Prize winner, Malala Yousafzai, was all the more unusual. In their view, Malala is the only Pakistani worthy of setting foot on Indian soil. Malala spoke for education, survived a headshot from the Taliban, delivered a rousing speech at the United Nations, raised a small fortune for charity through the Malala Fund, won the Nobel Peace Prize, was interviewed on dozens of shows across America, and did a magic trick which confounded American humourist Stephen Colbert. It is a tall ask to expect Pakistanis to emulate her feats just so that they can see the Taj Mahal. So, what gives? Is Shiv Sena really a fan of the bravest girl in the world, or are they playing more mind games? As Pakistani entertainer Junaid Akram puts it, Malala’s mixed reception in Pakistan isn’t a secret. While most are proud of her, a very vocal minority attacks her on social media at every opportunity. It isn’t difficult to spot the commonalities between her detractors. For one, the complaints against her are written in barely decipherable English. Ironically enough, the haters of a girl who is taking a stand for education could do with completing school themselves. There is no doubt in my mind that whenever one of these trolls rambles on Facebook or Twitter about Malala, an English teacher somewhere cries softly in a corner. Then, there are the conspiracy theories. While these very Pakistanis would not hesitate to target anyone who questions Pakistan’s Army, they, without realising it, are accusing the nation’s military of singlehandedly leading the country’s biggest conspiracy when they claim Malala’s shooting was orchestrated, considering how the army had a major role in shuttling the injured little girl out of the country, and senior ranking soldiers themselves came on international media to narrate the miraculous story of Malala’s survival. If these jingoistic Pakistanis had enough brain cells to comprehend the full meaning of their claims, I am guessing they would react like the robot from Lost in Space and dance around with their arms flailing, chanting the words, “Does not compute… does not compute… does not compute…” Their final argument, of course, is to say that no one can survive a gunshot to the head. Funnily enough, this is the only miracle they don’t believe in. They will ignore the fundamental laws of physics to defend a fraud who claims his car can run on water, but won’t accept Malala’s story. Is it so extraordinary for a person to survive a gunshot to the head? This report examines 66 patients who were shot in the head. Of those, 34 per cent, yes three out of 10 patients survived. More comprehensive studies though, suggest the survival rate is closer to 10 per cent. While it is far from common, it is certainly more likely, than say, a car that uses water as fuel. Those still not convinced, can read about other survivors by clicking here, here, or here. A simple Google search shall only reveal more stories to you. Of course, some right-wing Pakistanis will never be persuaded, and it is these nationalists Shiv Sena targets when it sings praises of Malala. As soon as the news broke, Malala’s haters across social media ranted about the Nobel Prize winner being an agent of Shiv Sena. It must be said, Malala is perhaps the world’s best agent. According to some Pakistanis, she has worked with the American CIA, the Israeli Mossad, India’s RAW, Pakistan’s Taliban, and a few other groups we aren’t aware of. These very Pakistanis will say that the only institution fighting for Pakistan’s integrity is its army, and is completely trustworthy, except of course, when it tells you Malala was actually shot in the head by the Taliban. Shiv Sena, surely aware of how this girl is received in her home country, has sided with her in an effort to rile up some Pakistanis. This would be like the Indian drama where the handsome villain, intent on breaking up an edgy marriage, fakes friendship with the wife to provoke the idiotic husband. The husband, idiotic as he is, doesn’t realise the wife isn’t responding in kind, and proceeds to damage their relationship further. Maybe we should stop being idiots, or perhaps some of us don’t deserve Malala. Thankfully, social media users on both sides of the border have taken a stand against this ridiculousness the best way they know how: by posting a selfie with messages of peace. The initiative was started by activist Ram Subramanian. His hashtag has now taken Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram by storm. https://twitter.com/vikaskyogi/status/657590397544214528 https://twitter.com/arshi_yasin/status/657511228923777024 https://twitter.com/Ali_Faraz87/status/657482842222407680 https://twitter.com/june_aid/status/657603115185754112 https://twitter.com/zahaibnabeel/status/658171719656558592 https://twitter.com/Shahbaz_sMs1/status/657515588496039936 The popularity of #ProfileForPeace is further proof of the tie between Pakistanis and Indians. It is a connection that refuses to be broken, even during cricket matches, even when Shiv Sena acts up, even when Indian viewers have to endure Humsafar, and even when terrible Bollywood movies flood Pakistani cinemas.